An Important Public Issue

It was the Summer of 2009, and the swine and dine tour was in full motion. Los Festingos were about to perform at one of our first real shows, a benefit concert at a local church. But the day before the gig, nobody could practice, well nobody besides me and Chris Ruffini. So, me and Chris met up for the hell of it, me on classical guitar and him on drums. Of coursse, in the Festingo tradition we didn't really practice at all, but instead got sidetracked with 2 very catchy chords and a harmonica. Chris played the harmonica and drums at the same time, and we both cracked up. It was hilarious. Inspired by the nautical sound of the guitar and harmonica, and the glow of the warm summer sun, The Pirate Song was born. We debuted it the next day to a very happy crowd. The song has become a favorite among festingo fans of all ages, and even has an accompanying dance, "Swabbin the deck."
Here's a performance of the pirate song, never before released, from our 2010 Willowdale Steeple Chase performance.

Isn't it a great song? Well here's where the "Public Issue" I mentioned in the title comnes into play. Pirates are inarguably better than ninjas. The debate has raged for generations with no clear winner ever decided. Yet based on historical evidence and common sense, as well as the overwhelming influence of Los Festingos, it is clear that Pirates are superior. This is a public issue that is very very important to Los Festingos, and to me. (Sure it's nonsensical and not quite a serious debate, but what else could you expect from this blog?)

Granted, everyone has there own opinion on the subject, and it's a rare day when a ninja enthusiast can swallow enough humility to convert, but in everyone's heart an inner pirate cries for attention. That's because we're all pirates deep down, lovers of adventure and yearners for freedom (that is the first time I have ever used the word yearners....and it felt magnificent. Definitely not the last time). Pirates break the rules. They do whatever they want. They live exciting lives. And they get treasure! Everyone aspires to be a pirate in someway or another. Aspirations for fame, success, money, freedom, adventure are all manifestations of the inner pirate. How can you argue with your self?

But maybe you like to kid yourself into thinking you're a ninja fan. Maybe you're a fan of blending in, conforming to strict guidelines and trying your hardest to not exist. Maybe you like the idea of not having a personality. Of being a ghost. A drab, monotone little ghost. "But ninjas are disciplined in the martial arts!" You may argue. And to that I say, discipline is just a fancy word for conformity. "But they can fight really well! And they're super tough! And good at poetry!" And to that I say....so are pirates.

Let's examine this analogically. Ninjas are to discipline as Pirates are to improvisation. Ninjas are to blending in as Pirates are to sticking out. Ninjas are to conformity as Pirates are to freedom. Ninjas are to stealth as Pirates are to wealth. Ninjas are to cold hovels in mountains as Pirates are to awesome ships in tropical seas. Ninjas are to lame as Pirates are to awesome. Make sense?

If you are still a ninja fan at this point I recommend you go listen to the pirate song again. Chris Ruffini is playing drums with one hand. Like a true pirate. ONE HAND. I'd like to see your precious ninja do that. Even if they tried to, they would be hidden, as ninjas are wont to be, and the spectacle would be destroyed. Hell, the audience would never believe it if they couldn't see it. Not that a ninja even could do it. have you ever heard of a ninja playing music? No! Because they don't have music. It would give away their position. It seems like ninjas make an awful lot of sacrifices just to stay concealed. A lot of useless stupid sacrifices that don't make any sense. Why are they even afraid of being seen? Self confidence issues. They can't live with themselves, so they train every day to stop being themselves. To just be. It's really sad actually. Pirates, on the other hand are happy to be themselves. They're not pretty, but at least they're proud of who they are. And because of their pride in themselves, pirates can get booty, in every sense of the word, I might add.

Look don't take my word for it, there are loads and loads of evidence amassed on the internet, that great sea of the future that connects us all. Here's a link from a travel blog that offers a definitive list on the supremacy of pirates, with some very compelling points I have not yet mentioned. These include the very persuasive argument that pirate names are plain old badass. And the obvious superiority of pirate fashion taste.

Even the best defense a ninja fan can come up with simply prooves my point further. Here is a list incorrectly titled "Why ninjas are better than pirates." Obviously it should be retitled: "Why Ninjas are wimpy and gross." They're attempt at trash talking pirates: "They're covered in man spackle and have food in their teeth." Sounds like reasons to love pirates to me. Honestly, their biggest argument is about the cleanliness and civic duty of a ninja. Basically this site makes ninjas look ike glorified hipsters, what with their poetry, well balanced diet and general creepiness. And NOBODY likes a hipster. Not even hipsters like hipsters. It is sad that the most powerful arguments a ninja fan can come up with only make pirates look better.

Also, might I add that Rancid Prostrate (aka Tim Gould) wears a pirate hat at every single show? And everyone knows how cool that kid is! He plays bass for crimineys sake! FOR LOS FESTINGOS!

Hey, thanks for reading my blog everyone. It was a great class! I really learned alot, and more importantly, had fun. I'm actually going to miss it. But don't be fooled into thinking that's the end of Los Festingos:the blog! This is just the begining! So if you're a fan of Los Festingos, or a fan of fun and nonsense, then please, stay tuned every week! I'm going to keep updating as long as I feel like it. Or until they kick me off for being way too ridiculous. Whatever comes first. Take care, and adios!